I Can Handle It On My Own

I can’t remember exactly where I got this story from. It's quite interesting.

Read the story below.

I knew the struggles I had but honestly believed I could overcome them all by myself. I generalize it by using the word “them” because we all struggle with things that in some way we know we shouldn't be doing; for me specifically it was pornography and masturbation.

I lived for decades in an endless cycle of ups and downs when it came to porn and masturbating, and I often thought this was just the way it was going to be. The constant struggle not to objectify the opposite sex and instead just see them as a human being was at times overwhelming. Add to that the enchanting lure from a sexual society where we’re bombarded with sensual images at every corner and this cycle was something I knew I no longer wanted to be on.

I randomly came across the book “Pure Eyes” by Craig Gross & Steven Luff as well as a handful of other books that specifically dealt with my struggle and all of these books and a very similar underlying principle: accountability. This was something I wouldn't have ever pursued on my own. Find someone and completely reveal to them that I struggle with this? Are you kidding me? No, I can do this on my own!

But as the days turned into weeks and weeks into months I would often find myself right back at the bottom of the barrel feeling dirty, alone, ashamed and worthless.

I openly cried out to the Lord and just asked for help. I didn't have any fancy prayers or any Bible verses to quote; I just fell on my bed and asked God, “Help me, please,” and honestly I had never meant it more than at that very moment.

The very next day, out of the blue, an acquaintance of mine brought up the topic of porn and in a context that made us both look at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare that just said, “Wait... you too?” We became accountability partners, and ever since then we've been perfect and neither of us ever struggle with this anymore.

Of course that last part isn't true.

The truth is, it is still a struggle, but by giving someone the permission to ask the tough questions I am now able to see things in a whole new light. Both of us are slowly but surely growing past who we used to be. We're discovering that accountability works if you allow it to. 

My Story

Few years ago I was caught up in the web of sexual sin for months. I was already born again at this time and to make matters worse, I was already a pastor. Now you are wondering, "What kind of pastor is this?" "Was he truly called by God or did he call himself? Is he really born again as he claims?" Hmmmmm! It's disappointing, isn't it? 

I represent thousands of Christians (young and old), pastors, church workers and leaders all round the world who are stuck in sexual sins and various other sinful habits. Many people in church are struggling with pornography, masturbation, homosexuality, pre-marital sex and extra-marital affairs. Unfortunately, many of them will not admit to having such struggles. Everybody comes to church and pretends like they just flew in from heaven to attend the service and will fly back to heaven after the service. They cover their struggles and addictions with their "zealous" participation in various church activities.

Let me point out here that no true Christian will intentionally commit sin.  I doubt if any of the Christians who are struggling with sexual sins woke up one day and said, "Today I'm going to commit sin." It took just one unguarded moment to get them stuck. I wouldn't bother you today with details of how I got to the point; that is a story for another day. My focus is on how I got out of it.

Several times, I found myself saying, "I will never do that again" but like a dog, I always went back to my vomit. At that point I realized I had to talk to somebody. Some sins thrive in secrecy. Until you are able to summon the courage to tell somebody about it, you may not be able to break away from it. You will only be moving in a circle and will always end where you started.

I discovered that finding who to talk to wasn't an easy task. Most times, we find ourselves in the midst of lot of people but can't find that one person to trust with our secret lifestyle. "Who do I talk to that will understand my struggles? Who do I talk to that will not see it as a news item to spread around? Who is that person that won't condemn me? My heart was already condemning me so I didn't need more condemnations. I didn't need anybody to tell me how sinful what I was doing was because I already knew it was sinful and offensive to God and had affected my fellowship with Him. All I wanted was a way out. "How do I get out of this sexual relationship?

After days and weeks of trying to find who to confide in, I decided to talk to one of the elderly pastors in my church about it. Today, when I look back, I realize it was actually God who laid it in my heart to talk to him. I remember sitting in his car in the church compound and letting the worm out of the can. My heart was beating faster because I never knew how he was going to react. But I had to go on anyway because I desperately needed to break free from it. I can't remember exactly how he started but for the next few minutes he went on proffering solutions, giving practical ways and measures I had to put in place and all that. That was the beginning of my freedom.

If I hadn't talked to somebody I would have been stuck in there longer than I did. And if I had talked to the wrong person it would have been worse. 

The aim of this blog is not to condemn or remind people how hell-bound they are. The aim is to create a platform where young adults can share their struggles and addictions and receive counsel or pieces of advice from those who have had victory in that same area.

I look forward to having millions of lives changed and chains of addictions and struggles broken.

Keep the mails coming.